Burning personal bridges
Posted on 21 June 2010
Quite often we as vegans will get into very heated debates about what we believe in with our loved ones, unless of course we are very lucky and surround ourselves only with like minded people who never question what we do or don’t eat because they understand, but the chances of that are very slim.
It’s very hard to keep an even temper because we feel we are being attacked. We feel very strongly about what we believe in and when people attack our beliefs, we feel they are attacking us … and in some cases they are! This makes it very hard to feel the same way about that person before they charged at us with their archaic beliefs and uninformed insults. So how do you deal with ‘attackers’? Obviously we inform them of the truth and enlighten them on the subject. This too can sometimes have devastating effects with more attacks been hurled at you, and the ending of friendships.
But in cases where the friendship has survived, or as is the case with family who won’t just disappear from our lives, the relationship may still be strained. How do you expel that feeling of betrayal, the feeling which comes with no support from those whom you have always relied on before?
Do you simply shrug it off as naivety and continue as if nothing ever happened?
Do you make it your purpose to convert that person, to change their ways so the conflict does not happen again, realising that there will be a lot more conflict before the change may or may not happen?
Do you cut all ties until they apologise, realising this may never happen and the family brunch awkwardness has escalated to catastrophic levels, and that disowning your family seems the next available best bet?
It seems like such a simple thing but feeling strongly about something which your loved one does not agree with, can be heart wrenching and somewhat stressful, how do you cope?
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I must say I don’t have “attackers”, but I do have still have 1 family member and some friends that dont follow my choice. I make it very clear that I do not tolerate “being made fun of”. What I am doing is right and anyone (like colleagues, etc) who does not agree, needs to keep their opinion to themself.
However, having said that, I do think that an opportunity exists with family and friends who are not vegetarian or vegan to keep working on them to be more compassionate and to make compassionate choices, by educating them, by leading by example, by sharing vegan food and ideas. Nothing will happen overnight, and its easy to get despondent when people simply do not understand, but I do think that little by litte, at least with some, we can make a difference. If I did not think that then 2 of my 3 (grown up) children would not be vegetarian.